:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
