He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
