i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
