my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
