turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
