i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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