Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
