His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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