woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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