well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
