I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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