its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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