i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
