Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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