so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
