By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
