hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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