how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
