Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
