Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
