It's Friday. Sex?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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