Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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