You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
