Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
