u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
