How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
