we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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