I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
