So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
