Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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