Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
