I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
