Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
