nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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