you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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