Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
