I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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