Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think weed is turning my hair brown
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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