Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize