Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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