I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
jump out the window naked night went bad
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
