You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
