Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
