did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize