i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
