When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
