Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize