you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
