I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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