break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize