Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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