We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
