1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
