Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
