I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
