remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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