If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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