Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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