One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
