but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
