Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
