you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize