i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
