The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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