At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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