ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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