Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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