He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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