I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
