You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
50% drunk capacity currently
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
