I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
